Beauty, Pain, and Ballet

Pretty things hurt. Specifically, ballet. Ballet is one of those things that looks incredibly beautiful, graceful, and effortless, but may actually lead you into a deep, dark abyss of awkwardness, confusion, and soreness in muscles you didn't know existed. Turn your foot out, they say. Move your arms like this, they say. Tighten your core (aka use every muscle in your body), they say. Balance on one toe, they say. Now, make that look graceful and effortless!

Before I bring the wrath of all ballerinas - including my amazing ballet teacher - upon my head, let me say this: I sincerely love ballet. I love it enough to stare into the abyss of my shortcomings every Monday night, determined to somehow stretch a little further, turn out a little more, balance a little longer each week. I love it enough to walk around for several days afterward with a vague (or acute) soreness in both legs and a new awareness of my "core." I love it so much that even after limping around for a day thanks to a mildly strained tendon in my foot (a.k.a. what happens when you try to balance on one toe but don't listen to your teacher and end up balancing the wrong way), I can't wait to try again next week - the right way.

Still, learning a new skill as an adult is hard. Especially when it doesn't come "naturally." I'm a big fan of adults learning new things (see: my adult string orchestra class and entire graduate thesis), and one reason I take ballet is to put my philosophy into practice. When my adult orchestra students balk at performing a public recital, I can say, "I get it. I'm going to wear a leotard and puffy skirt and dance in front of all my music students at the recital and try to look graceful but let's be honest, I'll just be happy if I don't fall over. But I'm doing it because I want all my students to know it is never too late to learn new things - and I want you, my adult students, to help me teach that to them." I'm not sure it makes my adult students feel any better, but at least I can empathize with how they are feeling.

But I take ballet for other reasons, too. I thought about them while limping around for a day and evaluating my life choices. So, here they are:

1. Ballet is really, really great exercise. Seriously. It's incredibly physical, and you might not realize how much strength it takes to just move one leg the right way, much less balance on one toe! Beyond building strength and endurance, ballet develops flexibility, gracefulness (still working on that one), spatial awareness, balance, and good posture.

2. Once a week, I set aside my cares and to-do list and do something purely for my own health and well-being. That paper due the next day doesn't even cross my mind when I'm trying to spin without getting dizzy. I've yet to master the allusive skill of "spotting," so I'm not actually successful in spinning without getting dizzy. Yet.

3. I get to meet new people and develop friendships with folks I would never have met outside ballet class. And trust me, you build a special relationship with someone when you almost kick them in the face on accident while warming up at the barre. But in all seriousness, there is great camaraderie as we laugh together, fall over together, grow together, and cheer each other on.

4. It's something I've always wanted to do, and now I have the chance to do it. No explanation needed for that one.

5. There's an immense wave of satisfaction when I do master a skill. I may be an imperfect musician, an imperfect music teacher, and certainly an imperfect ballerina - but I can now balance on one leg (toe, not yet - but leg? Yes), for a really long time without holding onto the barre, and I'm rather proud of that.

6. Last but not least, ballet is good for my pride. It keeps me humble. I have to become a beginner again, willing to learn new things, fail in front of everyone, and keep trying until I succeed. And it's definitely, completely, with-all-my-heart, 100% worth it.